Can't I Just Say Come Back
by ClosetFanGirl89
Summary: Patsy's POV for the Christmas Special scenes plus some filler scenes I've added.
1. Chapter 1

I'd taken far longer to write it than is necessary for a Christmas card. Using my best handwriting, Sister Evangeline would say that all writing should our best but I was particularly careful for this one. If love and emotion could be carried in ink then everything I had went into the curl of the D and the round of the A. I paused as I signed it, wondering if "love always" was too obvious but "best wishes" didn't convey how I really felt.

I ended with "all my love Pats" I added more kisses than I usually would and pressed my lips to the card. My lip rouge long gone after a long day of rounds so no sign of my affection would be noticed by Mrs Busby.

-

I hate addressing cards by myself, I gather up my things and head down the corridor to Barbara room, stopping at the threshold to tap on the open door.

"Can I join you, addressing envelopes is frightfully dull by oneself"

I flashed her a smile and sat down on the other bed without waiting for a reply.

"Hear hear. I think Trixie has gone for edible supplies"

-

We continue in comfortable silence until Trixie returns.

"Sister Monica Joan is in bed with a fever and dosed up on aspirin. Doctors going to call tomorrow." She reports as she sits on the bed next to Barbara.

"She sounded quite delirious when I walked past her room" Barbara adds while I continue to stuff envelope.

"Poor old thing," I paused for a moment "would it be frightfully callous to enquirer about the pudding"

Trixie look up with a grin.

"According to Sister Evangeline we'll be having Swiss roll and custard for dessert on Christmas Day."

She hunts through the Quality Street time pulling out a purple sweet and throwing it over to me.

Barbara enquires about a coffee cream, I have a look though the tin and find the only one. I carefully pick it out with one hand while lifting my pile of sealed cards with the other.

"If you lick my stamps I'll give you what appears to be the only coffee cream in the tin"

I passed her the cards without waiting for an answer and tossed the coffee cream back into the tin.

"One for Delia, how is she?"

Her question caught me somewhat off guard, I thought I'd tucked Delia's card out of sight. I take a slight breath in before I reply, tucking my hair behind my ear.

"Well I believe, her mother hasn't written in a while."

Trixie throws in something about head injuries but honestly I'm not listening, instead absorbed into my own thoughts. I hadn't heard from Delia personally since she returned to Wales although her mother did write for the first few weeks. I'd sent to her every week, I say sent as if written every day but kept many of the letters in a shoe box under my bed. Not wanting to overwhelm her or raise suspicion with anyone else.

They don't press me any further on the matter and I continue to sign my cards in silence wondering if I'll ever see or hear from the woman I love again.

-

I lower myself to the floor and feel under the bed for the box. I know Trixie won't barg in as she's out on a delivery so I've got plenty of time to myself. I grasp it with my fingers and pull it up onto her bed taking a seat next to it. Lifting off the white lid to the remainder of my secret life.

Among other things theres the glass we used to toast our flat.  
Bus ticket stubs for day trips we've taken.  
A handful of photographs - one of Delia and I at the barn dance and another of Delia in her uniform, I run my finger over her face. My heart aches every time I look in this box. Every time I think about her, which lets face it is every minute of the day. Not a moment goes by without me wondering how she is, or what's she's doing. Or thinking about what the two of us should be doing now.

I lay the photographs on my lap and glance out the window allowing my mind to wander yet again from Poplar to Pembrokeshire in the vain hope of finding an answer.


	2. Chapter 2

The Christmas lights really are enchanting. This is one of my favourite actives with the cubs, seeing all their faces light up is truly magical. We slow down in the traffic and I glance out the window, taking in the lights on the shop outside when I see her. I pause incase I'm dreaming or maybe it's another hallucination or doppelgänger. Several times over the past months I think I've seen her, on some occasions I've even gone up to say hello only to discover, on a closer look, that it's someone who looks an awful lot like her.

I rub my hand over the window, trying to remove the condensation that's formed during our journey. It really is her this time, with her mother by her side, looking just as she did before the accident. My heart is beating at two hundred beats a minute when she catches my eye and I melt away.

The bus pulls on and I feel her following me with her eyes. I turn away desperately trying the hold in the urge to shout stop the bus and get off.

-

The Cubs begin a chant of 'If you're happy and you know it', usually I'd join in in an instant but instead I sit, silently playing over what's just happened. It was her, really her here in London. What's she doing here? Does that means she's better? Is she coming back? So many questions without an answer. How they will get answered I don't know.

-

Cycling back from my call out is getting more difficult. I've been thinking about Delia even more that I usually would ever since the Christmas Lights trip. She fills every though I have when I'm both awake and asleep and it's starting to affect my work again. When Delia had her accident and was first in Wales my mind would wander at the most inappropriate times, during clinic, deliveries and at dinner. Both Sister Julienne and Trixie had something to say about it. Trixie's obviously the more sympathetic conversation and Sister Julienne's not one I wish to repeat, now I'm heading back towards that time.

I'm almost back to Nonnatus when I hear the sound I've been willing to hear from the darkness and a figure stepping forward.

"Pats"

I slam on my breaks hearing my wheels screech against the road below. I turn to see her in the red coat I saw her in days before.

"Where on earth have you been?" It come out with more anger than I intended but maybe deep down that's how I'm truly feeling - angry.

"Didn't want to knock on the door.. Didn't want to be asked in, see you for the first time with everybody watching" her voice is soft, as it was before the accident. Not the childlike voice I heard in the hospital. She's right, I wouldn't want to see her with the whole of Nonnatus there either.

I pause telling her to wait while I change before pushing my bike back to the bike shed outside Nonnatus.

My heart is in my throat as I hurry up the wooden stairs to my room. My fingers shaking as I pull down the zip of my uniform and step out of it, folding it neatly on the end of the bed. I pull on my dark tartan skirt and blouse before wrapping my green coat around me and springing down the stairs back to Delia.

My heart is galloping as I get closer to her, the confirmation that I have imagined the last couple of days standing right the in the shadows. She smiles softly as I get closer to her, she opens her arms towards me and we embrace, an awkward sort of hug that neither of us are sure when to break.

When we do, no words are needed, Delia loops her arm through the crook of my own and we silently walk towards the cafe on the corner.

"I'll get us some tea" Delia's Welsh tones still don't fail to make me melt.

I flash a silent look of approval and make towards to juke box, hoping they have our favourite song available. They do and I push my penny into the slot and head back towards the seats Delia has got is in the window.


	3. Chapter 3

"I couldn't write at all to begin with" she starts without any prompting from me. I don't know what to ask her so I'm glad she's taken the lead. "Not for the first month. But after that I sent three letters. My mother sent them."

My eyes widen and my heart sinks as I realise Delia's mother has been stopping our communication.

"Or maybe she didn't" Delia face falls as she realises the same.

"Well I would have answered if I got them. You know I would have answered" the last statement probably wasn't necessary but I add it anyway.

Delia nods silently, a smile forming at the edge of her lips. My heart is in my throat again as another realisation occurs to me.

"Does she suspect?" The words hitch in my breath not wanting anyone else to hear.

"She thinks you're my friend from training school." Delia reassures.

"And the lady she helps at Cubs" the bitterness I feel at that label come through in my words, not meaning to be aimed at Delia.

"I promise you that's all she thinks" her eyes are soft and sympathetic as she speaks.

As my heart is beginning to return to its correct location in my body Delia tells me her mother doesn't want her to come back to London and I feel my heart being ripped out of my body though my chest. My nurse head comes to attention:

"Why not, if you're well enough"

Delia explains that in her mothers mind she'll never be well enough. I'm disliking this woman more and more. Delia takes a breath before telling me about her appointment at the London with the neuro chap and the rehabilitation people. They'll tell her if and when she can go back to work, which could be months. Her shoulders sink and her eyes drop to the table and I can tell she's fighting back tears.

I reach out without thinking and place my hand over hers. Immediately I feel a spark as I rub my thumb over her fingers.

"You look tired" she's almost the same Delia from before but there's something not quite there.

"I lose my train of thought sometimes."

"Better than losing you." She blushes and looks down at her lap.

She tells me of their plans for the next few days. Christmas in Hornsey with her aunt then back to Wales. I smile as she speaks, our conversations so comfortable yet so fractured at the same time. How she was straight on the bus to Poplar when her parents left for their Welsh carol service.

"I'll be on the bus back to Hornsey soon"

Nine little words to make me feel sick once more.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say to that." I half snap, half sigh. What she says next breaks me even further.

"You're supposed to say, don't disappear again. You're supposed to say meet me again, write to me. Don't break the thread." She pauses trying to catch my eye. I glance up. "Let's pick up all the broken pieces. Let's pick up where we were." the words hang in the air for a moment, the most powerful and emotional words I've heard.

"Can't I just say come back?" It's not the most eloquent thing I've ever said but it's all my brain can produce while trying to process what Delia's just said.

"Yes" she grins and I softly smile back. She lifts her wrist and glances at her watch. "I'd better be going, otherwise I'll miss my bus."

She starts to pull on her coats. I'm desperately trying to come up with a plan to keep her in Poplar from now. Something that will mean she doesn't have to go back to her parents now. Doesn't have to leave me. But there's nothing. She senses my hesitation and reaches for my hand.

"Pats" her voice is soft "we've done the hardest part, a few more weeks and I'll be back for good. And we'll be together I promise."

We walk out to the bus slowly, so close together there's only a hair breadth between us. I'm desperately wanting to grab her hand and pull her close to me but somehow stop myself. He turns to face me as the bus arrives.

"Keep warm" she smiles and she removed her scarf and wraps it round my neck.

"I will" I smile back and she turns to jumps on the bus. "Telephone when you've seen the doctor"

"Yes" she swirls around the pole at the back of the bus and grins as it begins to pull away.

I can't stop smiling as she takes another piece of my heart away with her, back to Hornsey. This time I get to take a piece of her with me too and I pull the scarf around me, breathing in her beautiful scent.

I turn to go back to Nonnatus feeling the happiest I've felt in a long time. I tiptoe up the stairs when I get in and creep into mine and Trixie's room. She's already asleep as I quietly change and climbs in the covers.

"Have a good evening?" She asks, sleep covering her voice.

"Yes thank you, the best" I reply as I hold Delia's scarf close to my face as I fall asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

The next few days pass by in a blur of deliveries and Christmas concert preparation, both of which seem insignificant when Sister Monica Joan is still missing and I'm waiting for news from Delia. I try to take my own advice and whistle a happy tune but sometimes that just isn't possible. My mind wanders more often than is really acceptable but I manage to continue my work, without too much of a disruption. I'm in a constant cycle of hoping and praying the Sister Monica Joan is safe and hoping and praying that Delia will ring with good news and not bad. All mixed with slight excitement that comes at Christmastime whatever age you are.

I dash up from the table as the phone rings. Fred has delivered Sister Monica Joan safely back at Nonnatus, how she made it all the way to Berkshire unharmed we may never know. Nurse Crane and Sister Evangelina are both sitting with her, Evangelina refusing to leave despite her journey to Berkshire and back this afternoon. Trixie is upstairs enjoying a quiet night after a busy day. Everyone else is out, either on house calls or preparing for the Christmas concert. Which leaves me to answer the phone.

"Nonnatus house, midwife speaking" saying that still given me a little boost of excitement, even after all this time, I am a midwife.

"I'm calling from a box on the corner of Whittle Street" my heart skips a beat as those soft Welsh tones float through the receiver. I cannot suppress the huge grin that forms.

"There's someone there in need of attention" goodness I love this woman, seven words to make me melt.

"I'll be there as soon as I can." Is all I manage to say, my brain refusing to process anything else.

Delia lets out a soft chuckle before hanging up the phone. Leaving me standing like a adorned school girl. I quickly put the receiver down and slip up the stairs as if I'm floating. Fortunately Trixie is still awake when I get to our room.

"Can you cover for me, I need to go out" I'm talking far quicker than I normally do as I reach into the wardrobe for my coat.

"Urm.. Okay...?" The confusion on Trixie's face suggests I'm going to need to tell her more. "Is everything alright?"

I take a pause and a deep breath before I reply.

"Delia..." Her name comes out far quieter and squeakier than I had intended.

A smile curls at the edge of Trixie's lips and without another word just a nod of her head tells me my answer.

"Thank you so much, I owe you" I touch my hand on her shoulder as I race back out of the room and down the stairs.

The walk to Whittle Street feels both the longest and shortest it's ever felt. It's starting to snow which is making the pavement rather slippy in my work shoes, I walk as fast as I can without running and without falling over. However it becomes a jog as the sign for Whittle Street becoming clearer. As I make it round the corner I see the telephone box, Delia stood inside keeping warm. Her face lights up as she sees me, under the glow of the light inside the box her features are beautifully highlighted. She steps out onto the street as I pause for a second to take her in.

We run toward each other embracing like we're the only people on earth. I don't care and I have a feeling neither does Delia. We stay like this for a minute or two before deciding to retreat into the phone box out of the snow.

I don't think we've ever been this close in public. I can feel the heat from her body close to mine, I reach out and stroke her cheek with my thumb, she turns into my palm and plants a soft kiss onto the pad of my thumb. My breath hitches as I remind myself where we are, before placing my hand on the window behind her head.

"They say the headaches will fade away. I just need to rest for a little longer." She pauses and begins to look around outside. "Not that my mother will let me do much else" my stomach knots as the mention of Mrs Busby.

"Will she let you come back to work?" She jolly well better had, a thought I keep to myself.

"I have to come back to work. Back to London. This is where my life is. Where you are!" Her eyes pierce mine reaching deep into my soul.

"Deils, I'm not going anywhere. You can't come back if they don't give you a clean bill of health."

"They will. I'll make them." The words curl on her accent making them sound slick and passionate.

I glance down at her lips, as she looks at mine, before leaning in, not caring where we are just knowing this is what I want, what I need. I almost reach her lips when there's a knock at the window. We both jump back, my heart is in my throat as the rude gentleman speaks.

"People out here are waiting"

Delia looks down before looking at me, her sky blue eyes full of disappointment and lust.

"People in here are waiting." We smile at each other before heading back out into the cold.

"Sorry." I offer to the man outside, not because I mean it, rather it seems the right thing to do. He huffs as he enters the box but I don't care.

Delia and I walk arm in arm back to her bus stop, no speaking. No words are needed which is good as I haven't a clue what I would or should say. We reach the stop and I pull her toward me, taking a slow breath in, trying to stop the tears falling from my full eyes.

"Darling Pats" her words make me fail and a tear rolls down my cheek. She reaches up to wipe it away with her gloved thumb. "Don't cry sweetheart, I'll be back soon, for good. I promise."

"But, what about..." my words choke unable to finish my question.

"Don't you worry about my mother. I'm a big girl and I can do what I want and she can't stop me." She smiles; she always has a way of making light of a situation. "I'll write to you every day and I'll get to the phone box in the village to telephone when I can."

Her hands find mine as her bus pulls alongside the stop. She squeezes my fingers tightly before pulling me into an embrace.

"I love you Pats, I'll see you very soon." She whispers into my neck her breath burning my cold skin.

"I love you too Deils, more that you will ever know." With one last tight squeeze she pulls herself away our fingers the last part to break. She hops onto the bus as it drives off offering a blown kiss as she's goes into the darkness.

People here are definitely waiting, and have been for long enough now.

 **A/N thanks for all the views, reviews and follows. Only 9 more days to wait for more Call the Midwife. This fic will continue then!**


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